We have a wonderful story about an engineer named Ellen who learned during a performance review that her boss thought highly of her skills but was concerned that she didn’t have enough connections. Helgesen: She can present it as information that other people need to know. How can a woman call attention to her value and achievements without coming across as bragging at the expense of her team? (Image courtesy of the authors)ĭuncan: Self-promotion is uncomfortable for many people. Yet she may feel reluctant to adopt a new approach for fear she’ll disappoint people as she changes. For example, for Samantha to move higher, she may need to focus more effort on connecting with people and less on diligently crossing every t and dotting every i. In this way, people can get stuck with an identity that may no longer necessarily serve their interests. “Marcy’s a good team player.” “Samantha’s a real workhorse.” “Jim’s great at building connections, a real schmoozer.” Such perceptions are rooted in reality, but they can make it hard for people to change because if they try to branch out their co-workers may push back. Marshall Goldsmith: People get typecast based on the past performance. By internalizing the critique rather than lashing out, she creates a bridge that can enable her to identify constructive action.ĭuncan: How do organizations sometimes make it hard for people to change behaviors? She may still be deeply resistant to the idea of changing, but she will be open to asking what she might do differently. What were the circumstances? What perceptions might have been involved? Third, she will begin to examine her own actions and ask how she could have contributed to the assessment. Next, she will ask herself what might have motivated the assessment. This can be painful and result in a degree of paralysis as she takes the critique to heart. First, she’ll react to the suggestion she change by feeling hurt, undervalued, even betrayed. Helgesen: A woman who resists change will usually follow a different template.
Third, he is likely to simply attack the person who suggested that he change, blaming the messenger rather than looking to himself.
Second, he decides that, while the general suggestion for change might be valid, it doesn’t necessarily apply to him for the simple reason that he’s been so successful. First, he decides that whoever is suggesting that he change must be confused. In my coaching practice, I find that a successful man who resists change often goes through three stages.
But men and women often resist change in slightly different ways. This consumes energy and takes us out of our comfort zone. As humans, most of us are resistant to change because it requires a lot of neural work to practice new behaviors. Marshall Goldsmith: Resistance is a powerful force.
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